July 22, Friday
I just finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I love self-help books; anything that confirms my worst suspicion: that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I’m too introverted, aloof, impatient, quick-tempered. I don’t journal every morning, can’t find my artist’s way, I don’t do yoga or meditate, I don’t go to bed at a reasonable hour, I spend too much time on the computer.
I’m filled with self-doubt about parenting. I seem to yell too much, sigh too heavily, reach my wit’s end too often. And when my girls resort to physical violence to work out their conflicts, I take it as a personal indictment of my parenting abilities. I’ve read Parenting from the Inside Out, Nonviolent Communication and Siblings Without Rivalry – all great books – but when I’m in the moment, it never seems as easy as when I’m reading.
And still I plod on, always hoping. Taking notes, talking to friends, having parenting discussion, eating better and exercising more so I have more energy to be the energetic, easy-going parent I desire to be. I just hope I figure it out before they leave for college.